Racebusters: NFL Week 3 Predictions
Racebusters spends a lot of time monitoring the Twitter timeline and pointing out the obvious racism that exists in any opposition to President Obama, his policies, or his supporters. Trust me, no matter what you say about any of these groups, even if it’s not about these groups, like a good liberal, I’ll find the racism in it! The Race Card: Don’t Leave Home Without It!
You may be wondering why I am starting with Week 3. That makes you a racist.
New England Patriots @ Buffalo Bills
This is an intriguing match-up for @racebusters to pick. You have a team named after known racist Republican Buffalo Bill against a team that sports the same name as the radical racist Tea Party “Patriots” organization. The deciding factor here is that Patriots’ racism is more recent. Prediction: Bills 27 Raciots 20
San Francisco 49ers @ Cincinnati Bengals
You’re probably thinking I am going to pick the Bengals because their head coach is a person of color. You’re wrong. I have inside information that the racists at the NFL League Offices have instructed the officials for this game to do whatever they can to ensure Marvin Lewis is defeated. Prediction: Racism 34 Bengals 0
Bonus Prediction: After the game, Commissioner Roger “Racist” Goodell fines Marvin Lewis $150,000 for being African-American.
Miami Dolphins @ Cleveland Browns
Really? The “Browns?” Why not just change the name to “The Cleveland We Hate Mexicans?” Racists. Prediction: Dolphins 24 Bigots 3
Denver Broncos @ Tennessee Titans
The Titans displayed their blatant racism with the terrible treatment of Vince Young. I know they only released him because the racists hated the idea of an African-American being the face of their franchise. For this reason, Broncos all day. Prediction: Broncos 37 Haters 6
Detroit Lions @ Minnesota Vikings
Really Minnesota? You have a racist white guy with racist white horns as your team logo? Prediction: Lions 27 Racists 0
Bonus Prediction:Michele Bachmann gets arrested at halftime for trying to prevent brutal injections by confiscating syringes filled with cortisone because she says it causes mental retardation.
Houston Texans @ New Orleans Saints
Rick Perry is a racist. Prediction: Saints 70 Rick Perry -21
New York Giants @ Philadelphia Eagles
The New York Giants? More like The New York Giant Racists. Let’s not act like they didn’t want Plaxico Burress back for any other reason than he is a person of color. Also, The United States Government only went after Vick because he is African-American. Prediction: Eagles 40 Racists 3
Jacksonville Jaguars @ Carolina Panthers
I think David Garrard… oh wait, the racists cut him so white quarterbacks could play, didn’t they? Racists. Prediction: Cam Newton 148 Jaguars 9
New York Jets @ Oakland Raiders
The Jets share a stadium with the New York Giant Racists, so they are also racists. Prediction: Raiders 37 Jets 3
Bonus Prediction: Rex Ryan will be suspended for 2 games after it is discovered he has been secretly taping the feet of opposing players in the visiting locker room showers.
Kansas City Chiefs @ San Diego Chargers
So, after the racists steal all the land from Native Americans they decide to mock them by naming their racist team the “Chiefs?” Really, racists? Prediction: Chargers 31 Land Stealing Racists 0
Baltimore Ravens @ St. Louis Rams
The Ravens? Does anyone really think the fact that their team name has the same number of letter as the word “racist?” Yeah, me either. Here’s another one: Both words also share three identical letters. You know what else had three identical letters? The KKK. Racists. Prediction: Rams 34 Ravenists 0
Arizona Cardinals @ Seattle Seahawks
Don’t think I’ve forgotten about the racist Arizona law that makes it illegal to be an illegal immigrant. Prediction: Seahawks 1070 Racist Law 0 (SWIDT?)
Bonus Prediction: Arizona is forced to forfeit its next home because they refuse to play unless the opposing team shows birth certificates of all their players prior to entering their stadium.
Atlanta Falcons @ Tampa Bay Buccaneers
Hmm… didn’t the Falcons get rid of Michael Vick because he is a quarterback of color? Yes, yes they did. RACISTS. Prediction: Bucs 45 Vick Haters 10
Green Bay Packers @ Chicago Bears
This is easy. The racist, anti-worker, Koch Brother-controlled Packers versus the favorite team of President Barack Obama? LOL! Prediction: President Obama 12,638 Racists 3
Bonus Prediction: President Barack Obama is voted MVP after starting the second half and throwing 100 TD passes… from the White House.
Pittsburgh Steelers @ Indianapolis Colts
Ah yes, the Steelers. What an appropriate name. They like to steal. Steal the freedom of people of color that is. The only reason the Rooney’s hired Mike Tomlin is so they could feel like they own slaves again. Racists. Prediction: Colts 31 Proponents of Slavery 0
Washington Redskins @ Dallas Cowboys
Rick Perry is still a racist, but Washington has their racist name “Redskins” which mock Native Americans. Since I find that both teams are equally racist, this game ends in a tie. Prediction: Racists 0 Bigots 0
Bonus Prediction: After the game, racist Governor Rick Perry signs executive order and Texas secedes from the union. The Redskins, not having any passports, are stranded in Texas and have to forfeit their next game.
Note: This is clearly humor. If you’re confused by that or offended call 1 (800) SHRINKS-R-US. If you find it hilarious, you can catch more and send your own questions on twitter by following@racebusters.