D.C. Metro Is Racist!!!!!

Racebusters spends a lot of time monitoring the Twitter timeline and pointing out the obvious racism that exists in any opposition to President Obama, his policies, or his supporters. Trust me, no matter what you say about any of these groups, even if it’s not about these groups, like a good liberal, I’ll find the racism in it! The Race Card: Don’t Leave Home Without It!

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Well, that didn’t take long. I’ve been in Washington D.C. no longer than thirty minutes and I have already uncovered the first of what I am sure will be many racist plots devised by the racist Republicans. I knew the racism would be rampant at CPAC (Conservative People Against Coloreds) but I didn’t think I would find one so quickly.

The D.C. Metro may be the most racist thing I have ever seen. They have devised a system of “colored lines” to carry people all around the city. Each line of color represents a different people of color that the racist Republicans wish to oppress. The Red Line mocks Native Americans. First, the racist Republicans steal their land, and then they mock them by making an entire subway line carry people from one piece of stolen land to the other. The blatant racism of the racist Republicans never ceases to amaze me.

The Green Line is an affront to Martian-Americans everywhere. First, the racist Republicans deny any life forms exist on other planets, and then they create a racist travel vessel to carry people to different space museums so they can deny their existence even further. It’s not enough for the racist Republicans to deny an entire people exist. They must also enslave an entire people in order to make them feel superior.

The Yellow Line is a clear shot at all Asian Americans. It wasn’t enough to drop atomic bombs on them was it, racists? No, you also decided to make an entire transportation system to take people to Chinese restaurants and nail salons all over D.C. so you could make Asian-Americans wait on you even further. Racists.

The Blue Line exists to persecute Smurf-Americans everywhere. It wasn’t enough that the racist Republican Gargamel sought to destroy the Smurf-American people. The racist Republicans created the Blue Line to taunt Smurf Americans everywhere and to burn into their Smurf-American brains that they are inferior and will never get ahead in society as long as racist Republicans say so.

The racist Republicans thought they would confuse me with the Orange Line. However, @racebusters is much too smart for them. The Orange Line does not exist to oppress anyone. The purpose of the Orange Line is to serve as a tribute to the racist Republican Speaker of the House John Boehner.The racist Republicans thought they would slip that by @racebusters. Nice try, racists.

I know what you’re all thinking: “But @racebusters, D.C. Metro can’t be totally racist, where is the line that oppresses and is racist toward African-Americans?” Sure it is. Your racism has just blinded you to the obvious oppression of African-Americans that exist in the D.C. Metro. Why do you think they built in underground, racists? They built it underground to mock the Underground Railroad that existed to help slaves escape the racist Republican oppression of slavery. The racist Republicans love to watch their own racist Underground Railroad of colored lines carry people like slaves to whatever racist activities they have that day. They like it even more when it carries racist Republicans to government offices so they can create more racist policies to help them achieve their ultimate goal: the removal of all people of color from society.

I will not stand by silently and allow this racist system of transportation to continue. I am calling on Rep. Loretta Sanchez, Rev, Jesse Jackson, Rep. John Conyers, Papa Smurf, Marvin the Martian, Lou Diamond Phillips, and Yao Ming to join me and stand up to this racist tyranny. Only when all people of color may travel without racism being thrown in their face will we truly be free.

Note: This is clearly humor. If you’re confused by that or offended call 1 (800) SHRINKS-R-US. If you find it hilarious, you can catch more and send your own questions on twitter by following@racebusters.