Dear Racebusters, Having a Pet is Racist Edition

Racebusters spends a lot of time monitoring the Twitter timeline and pointing out the obvious racism that exists in any opposition to President Obama, his policies, or his supporters. Trust me, no matter what you say about any of these groups, even if it’s not about these groups, like a good liberal, I’ll find the racism in it! The Race Card: Don’t Leave Home Without It!

Here are some of the latest questions:

@racebusters Should I get a white iPhone? What if I get one, but treat it badly? – @mattbramanti

It doesn’t matter what kind of phone you have when you’re calling the rest of your racist friends to tell them when the next Klan Rally will be held. The fact that you think that treating a phone badly can atone for your own hatred of people of color saddens me.

@racebusters I stand against all forms of racism, yet I suspect this makes me more racist than anyone. How? – @ChrisBarnhart

Nice try, Chris. Clearly you don’t stand against all forms of racism. I visited your blog here. I notice you support both Israel and Arizona. Both states are racist. Israel continually keeps down the peaceful people of Hamas, while Arizona clearly just hates people of color. There is only one reason anyone would support those two states, and we know what that is, don’t we Chris?

@racebusters I love animals and I am thinking of getting a pet. Which is my least racist choice? - @ConservaRock

You love animals? Riiiight. Like I might be fooled by that. Clearly the only reason you want an animal is that slavery is no longer legal. I guess for you owning something like an animal will have to do until you and the other racist republicans are successful in repealing the 13^th Amendment.

@racebusters Since the oil spill is a beautiful billowing of blackness, would stopping it be considered racist? – @stringbox

No. The oil spill was intentionally created by racist republicans to reinforce the stereotype that all things of color are harmful to people and animals. The amazing response by President Barack Obama and his team of experts may be the only thing that prevents this from happening. Any criticism of him or his policies regarding this racist, man-caused disaster is blatant racism.

I would like to address something I saw today. I was in one of those large, evil, and racist corporations known as a supermarket. I thought it might be nice to pick up some dessert for Mrs. Racebusters. I went to the bakery, figuring a freshly baked cake would be a wonderful dessert idea. Then it happened. I noticed that the fluffy white cake is called “Angel Food Cake” while the cake of color is referred to as “Devil’s Food Cake”. Why does the cake of color have to be the dessert food of Satan, while the white cake is the food of angels? I’ll tell you why, so racist, white republicans can continue to keep people of color down by associating anything of color with the devil, even dessert choices. Also, do you think it is a coincidence that the angel food cake has less calories and fat than the cake of color? Not a chance. It’s just another way for racist republicans to say that things of color are harmful to you. I should also point out that the angel food cake was displayed prominently at the front, while the cake of color was relegated to the back of the display. Clearly the supermarket is on this racist conspiracy, keeping items of color in the back like a bus in Montgomery, Alabama in the 50s. I’ll be back later. I have a conference call with the NAACP. After we finish with Hallmark, we’re coming for you, Betty Crocker!!!

Note: This is clearly humor. If you’re confused by that or offended call 1 (800) SHRINKS-R-US. If you find it hilarious, you can catch more and send your own questions on twitter by following@racebusters.